I'm in a sharing mood...

[napoleonherself]

The following is a poem I just wrote last night for an assignment due today. I have decided to post it here because, as the subject says, I'm in a sharing mood. And I would like to get comments, if anyone has anything to say about it. So, yeah.


Seriously. Only honest comments tolerated. Because otherwise you will spoil my fun... and trust me, my ulterior motive is an amusing one...

Oh, yeah, the poem. Here it is!


My love, how do I love thee?
I shall not count the ways
For that would be beyond me
And would take many days.

I could spend an eternity
Recounting all that you
Have done for me by loving me
With heart so pure and true.

I swear that I shall never break
Nor scorn no wound your heart;
With all my heart, this vow I make:
As perfect as thou art,

I'll do my very best to be
Deserving of you, dear,
That I might live my life complete
Because I have you near.

Comments

[napoleonherself.livejournal.com]

Melodrama. Melodrama and more melodrama. Purposefully awkward word choice (overuse of the word 'heart' in one stanza, I can't remember which right now, and overuse of word 'love' in the first line). Forced rhyme. I had a version that had some wonderful mysteriously-disappearing rhythm, but that disappeared after a rewrite.

Plus, darn it, I just say it's bad,t herefore it is!

[napoleonherself.livejournal.com]

Ummm... yeah, and overuse of 'disappear' in that comment was purposeful. Sure. That's the ticket...

[napoleonherself.livejournal.com]

Since... uh... sometime or other?