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napoleonherselfMom just now launched into another tirade about how someone was "stupid" -- this time, the manager of this faken trailer park thingie place where we live. We got a notice that the weeds on our lot need to be pulled within the next week. Mom agrees; she's been meaning to pull them for a bit. But she still got mad at getting this notice, and out came the insults.
And this time I blew up.
I basically started yelling right back at her -- "Why is it that any time anyone does something YOU don't like, that AUTOMATICALLY makes that person STUPID?!" I'll admit it, that's a sore spot for me. I have been on the receiving end of that particular phenomenon so many times that I have literally lost count. Plus I just don't think it's fair to INSULT someone just because they are ENFORCING THE BLOODY RULES THAT YOU AGREED TO ABIDE BY WHEN YOU SIGNED THE BLOODY CONTRACT TO MOVE IN HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE. Ugh.
After I was done, she asked, "Would you have done that to your dad?"
Uh, no. Because if he doesn't get total obedience, someone or something gets hurt. I don't even make eye contact wtih him most of the time anymore. Actually speak my mind? That would be suicide.
However, the fact that mom asked this shows that she doesn't think of me as an adult who has opinions either. I'm her daughter and should therefore obediently listen to her tirades and not open my effing mouth. Meanwhile, she can yell and rail and scream at us all she likes on a regular basis.
I believe I shall stop speaking to mom as if she's my friend. Plainly I'm not supposed to be getting that feeling. Ergo the closeish relationship I THOUGHT we had shall now go splat.
Probably I'm not making much sense... it's just very very hurtful to go thinking for years that your mom respects you as an adult with your own mind, only to find out that you're not allowed to speak it. Not even as a rare outburst. Nope. Shut up, sit down, do what I tell you, brat.
At least today started on a high note...
And this time I blew up.
I basically started yelling right back at her -- "Why is it that any time anyone does something YOU don't like, that AUTOMATICALLY makes that person STUPID?!" I'll admit it, that's a sore spot for me. I have been on the receiving end of that particular phenomenon so many times that I have literally lost count. Plus I just don't think it's fair to INSULT someone just because they are ENFORCING THE BLOODY RULES THAT YOU AGREED TO ABIDE BY WHEN YOU SIGNED THE BLOODY CONTRACT TO MOVE IN HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE. Ugh.
After I was done, she asked, "Would you have done that to your dad?"
Uh, no. Because if he doesn't get total obedience, someone or something gets hurt. I don't even make eye contact wtih him most of the time anymore. Actually speak my mind? That would be suicide.
However, the fact that mom asked this shows that she doesn't think of me as an adult who has opinions either. I'm her daughter and should therefore obediently listen to her tirades and not open my effing mouth. Meanwhile, she can yell and rail and scream at us all she likes on a regular basis.
I believe I shall stop speaking to mom as if she's my friend. Plainly I'm not supposed to be getting that feeling. Ergo the closeish relationship I THOUGHT we had shall now go splat.
Probably I'm not making much sense... it's just very very hurtful to go thinking for years that your mom respects you as an adult with your own mind, only to find out that you're not allowed to speak it. Not even as a rare outburst. Nope. Shut up, sit down, do what I tell you, brat.
At least today started on a high note...
