Nobody comments to my entries anymore. I must be terribly boring.

[napoleonherself]

Soooo... today I'm having trouble breathing, because everything that CAN be clogged up, IS clogged up. The cough I developed yesterday is also worse.

In addition, I'm horribly horribly in need of a shower, but I am afraid that if I shower and then sit around with wet hair then I will make myself sicker, which will in turn make me more in need of a shower because you just get grody faster when you're sick.

In exponentialism (see... addition... exponent... ah, you're none of you any fun), I am in the middle of an ongoing funk about myself in general. I am good at temporarily distracting myself from it by escaping into things like playing Sims, but in the background is still the nagging self-hatred. I have so very many bad traits. I have so very many mental hangups -- I can't even go out in public like a normal person because if someone walks by whistling a jaunty tune the sound will almost certainly send me into a panic attack. And of course, the whole "fat == stupid, worthless, and generally not actually human" thing. It is crushingly depressing to know that as I am out there going about my own business, chances are that at least a couple people around me have decided to instantly hate me simply because of my appearance. No, not everyone does this, true -- but how do I know which ones are and which ones aren't?

And I know I shouldn't care. But I do anyway. I can't help it. Sometimes it's all I CAN think about, just cramming myself into the corner of a classroom or a bus seat as small as I can so maybe I won't take up too much space in everyone else's world. Usually I can shove it down a bit and somewhat function. But it's almost always there.

So, yeah. Blatherings about my mental state the last few weeks. Please no patpat type comments. And no "fine then, just get off your lazy ass and lose weight" ones, because despite all this I still know intellectually that I AM healthy as I am right now, and that trying to change myself just so everyone else will accept me more is a GREAT way to wind up even MORE mentally screwed up than I already am, and probably a lot LESS healthy.

... *goes up to add lj-cut*

Man, I've posted this all before, haven't I? Like a billion times. I've got the weirdest feeling of deja vu.

So yeah. WHINE MODE OFF

*plays KoL*

Comments

[chess]

When being ill, I generally consider myself a waste of oxygen. You are ill, and consider yourself a waste of oxygen. This is not an unusual opinion. Solutions include sleeping until you are no longer ill, and finding Things Which Are Useful to do, so that at least even if everyone in the universe does hate you and think you should die, you know you have done Something Worthwhile. Simply going and clicking on stuff like www.thehungersite.com is a very simple example of such Things; there are many charities and stuff which want people to write letters and things which don't cost any money and simply replace displacement activities with Stuff Which Makes You Feel Good About Yourself.

All this is based on my own solutions and I am generally incapable of taking my own advice, however...

[napoleonherself.livejournal.com]

Perhaps someone should start a service where you tell them what your own advice is and they tell it back to you only it sounds slightly different so you actually LISTEN... I know I could use something like that...

[nidoking.livejournal.com]

You should start a service where people tell you what advice they want, and you rephrase it in wiser words and recite it back to them. That will make it seem like advice from someone else, rather than their own advice, and they might be more willing to follow it. If you hire more people, you might even avail yourself of it on occasion.