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napoleonherselfBeen home since last night. Didn't post about it 'cause first I didn't feel like it and then I forgot. I'm not entirely sure what is worth mentioning anyway. Mecha went to the emergency room for his horrific internal ailments, and basically got told that it was just a virus. The doctor did at least prescribe him some anti-nausea medication. However, said medication would cost us -- after the insurance covers the majority of the price -- two hundred and seventy-three dollars. Per. Pill.
Um. Fuck that shit, yo. He's got a doctor's appointment on Monday, and when he shows up then still sick, then maybe someone will say "hey maybe we should actually run some tests instead of just prescribing $1200 worth of medicine that won't actually fix anything!". Or maybe he'll have to just DIE first. Stupid shit excuse for a country, with its stupid shit excuse for medical care.
Up in Indy I was at mechamom's for one night, and then went over to stay at Sarah and Ted's with mecha. Of course, my clothes all got left at mechamom's, and since it wasn't an emergency that I was without them, I got to wear the same things Saturday through Wednesday. I also used a bag of mecha's clothes as a pillow at first, until Sarah wrangled me a spare pillow. It is good that they do not hate me anymore. I deserve hatred, because I'm a fucking idiot who can't keep my virtual mouth shut, amongst a host of other things about me that are terrible. But if they did still hate me then I would've had to spend five straight days sitting in the cold, silent, blankly impersonal guest room at mechamom's, thinking about how once it was my room back in the somehow-so-long-ago days when I still had a Chris. I cry a lot at mechamom's when I have to be there these days. There is not a lot else to do there except see how many times a day I have to turn the heater back up from where she's set it to 60 (15.5 Celsius).
My brain can't decide whether it's really starting to accept the new reality, or whether it's convinced that this is all just a very long, very detailed nightmare that I will surely awaken from soon. I'm still having to keep it distracted with meaningless crap a lot.
Basically life is nothing but loneliness, suffering, and worry, and I am continuing to go on in the vain hope that someday it will get better. That's all I've ever done, really. Of course, now I have all the proof I'll ever need that going the "I will do the stuff I gotta do now so I can do the stuff I wanna do later" route results only in HERE HAVE SOME DEATH WHOOPS I GUESS YOU KIND OF PIDDLED YOUR CHANCE AWAY ON A DEGREE THAT YOU'LL NEVER MANAGE TO GET ANYWAY, GOOD JOB THERE, IDIOT, HAVE FUN WASTING YOUR LIFE, but. I don't really have any other options.
Time to play City of Heroes so I can distract myself from crying, which I am now doing for the billionth time in the last month.
Um. Fuck that shit, yo. He's got a doctor's appointment on Monday, and when he shows up then still sick, then maybe someone will say "hey maybe we should actually run some tests instead of just prescribing $1200 worth of medicine that won't actually fix anything!". Or maybe he'll have to just DIE first. Stupid shit excuse for a country, with its stupid shit excuse for medical care.
Up in Indy I was at mechamom's for one night, and then went over to stay at Sarah and Ted's with mecha. Of course, my clothes all got left at mechamom's, and since it wasn't an emergency that I was without them, I got to wear the same things Saturday through Wednesday. I also used a bag of mecha's clothes as a pillow at first, until Sarah wrangled me a spare pillow. It is good that they do not hate me anymore. I deserve hatred, because I'm a fucking idiot who can't keep my virtual mouth shut, amongst a host of other things about me that are terrible. But if they did still hate me then I would've had to spend five straight days sitting in the cold, silent, blankly impersonal guest room at mechamom's, thinking about how once it was my room back in the somehow-so-long-ago days when I still had a Chris. I cry a lot at mechamom's when I have to be there these days. There is not a lot else to do there except see how many times a day I have to turn the heater back up from where she's set it to 60 (15.5 Celsius).
My brain can't decide whether it's really starting to accept the new reality, or whether it's convinced that this is all just a very long, very detailed nightmare that I will surely awaken from soon. I'm still having to keep it distracted with meaningless crap a lot.
Basically life is nothing but loneliness, suffering, and worry, and I am continuing to go on in the vain hope that someday it will get better. That's all I've ever done, really. Of course, now I have all the proof I'll ever need that going the "I will do the stuff I gotta do now so I can do the stuff I wanna do later" route results only in HERE HAVE SOME DEATH WHOOPS I GUESS YOU KIND OF PIDDLED YOUR CHANCE AWAY ON A DEGREE THAT YOU'LL NEVER MANAGE TO GET ANYWAY, GOOD JOB THERE, IDIOT, HAVE FUN WASTING YOUR LIFE, but. I don't really have any other options.
Time to play City of Heroes so I can distract myself from crying, which I am now doing for the billionth time in the last month.
